Illegitimi non carborundum
by Aesculap
Summary: Suddenly Castiel was gone and only Jimmy remained. The brothers learned Alistair had injured him and now he might be dying. But Dean too was affected. Not by Alistair but by the angel, Sam noticed aghast. AU from 4.10
1. Chapter 1

They were again all in the decayed cabin waiting for something to happen. Sam was frowning at his brother. Something was off. He walked a few steps and tried to burn his nervous energy that way. "I don't know, man. Where's Ruby?"

Without looking up, Dean answered: "Hey, she's _your _hell buddy." He pulled a hip flask out of his jacket and opened it to take a healthy gulp.

The younger Winchester eyed his brother disapprovingly but before he could say anything Anna got ahead of him: "Little early for that, isn't it?"

Dean answered with a pale copy of his trademark grin plasterer across his face although he avoided looking at the fallen Angel's face: "It's 2:00 a.m. somewhere."

But the ex-Angel was not distracted that easily: "You okay?"

So she too had noticed it, Sam thought. Something was off. Not only with Dean, but with Anna, too. Sam frowned at that realization while his brother answered with a less than convincing "Yeah, of course..." in a breathless and raw voice.

.

All three were startled when in the blink of an eye a severe wind was blowing hard inside the cabin and the doors were torn open by the sheer force of nature. Castiel and Uriel were back. Both Winchesters flanked Anna - Sam shielding her from the other man with his body - and were ready to protect her even if it meant their death. Castiel seemed not to notice them, only had eyes for the red haired woman who met his intensive glare afraid and boldly likewise.

"Hello, Anna. It's good to see you."

But Sam could not stay quiet for the life of him. Adrenaline rushed through his veins. He was ready to fight. Even heaven. "How? How did you find us?" Both Angels kept quiet. And looked at... "Dean?" As soon as the younger Winchester had said his brother's name Castiel dropped his gaze as if he was feeling sorry for the humans. But Sam was too astonished, too shaken to notice. His brother had betrayed an innocent? Dean looked not only regretful, his eyes were red like he was fighting hard not to cry. He confirmed Sam's worries with an hardly audible "I'm sorry...", not looking Sam or Anna in the eye. Sam really could not understand what made his brother do that. How come he had disobeyed one of his own prime directives.

"Why?"

But it was not Dean who answered. His brother stayed quiet. Anna cast a glance at the Angels and then turned here eyes again at Sam. "Because they gave him a choice." A choice? Sam was confused but Anna continued after a short pause. "They either kill me... or kill you." The fear seemed to vanish while the red haired woman talked. She turned her head to the Angels anew. Castiel had his eyes still averted, studying something very interesting on the floor. "I know how their minds work." The red haired woman brandied long looks with the Angels before she turned to Dean, who still looked like braking into tears any moment now, to give him what obviously was a goodbye kiss. Sam did not miss how Castiel's eyes seemed to absorb each and every little detail of the kiss. But the Angel's face still was unreadable. No disapproval, no acceptance. Only a piercing gaze.

.

Anna whispered "You did the best you could. I forgive you." while firmly looking Dean deep into his eyes. Then she turned. Determined. Unflinching. Daring. "Okay. No more tricks. No more running. I'm ready."

Sam was a bit taken aback by Castiel's "I'm sorry."

The red haired woman shook her head. The ghost of a smile on her lips. "No. you're not. Not really. You don't know the feeling." Somehow the younger Winchester had to agree. Even if he did not know whether Angel were able to feel actually sorry or not sorry. Castiel's voice still was totally emotionless. He neither sounded nor looked sorry.

Then he opened his mouth again and Sam was not so sure any more. There was something in the Angel's voice... "Still, we have a history." Even Castiel's eyes looked... sad? "It's just..."

"...orders are orders. I know. Just make it quick.", Anna interrupted him. She did not sound as fearless any longer.

.

"Don't you touch a hair on that poor girl's head." Alistair's voice made everyone turn around. He and two other demons who had Ruby in tow had entered the cabin unnoticed. The female demon's shirt was bloody and she swayed on her feet although one of the demons helt her arm.

Uriel took a step forward - while Dean, Sam and Anna hurried to get out of the Angel's and demon's way - pure pugnacity in his stance and his dark voice bellowed through the room: "How dare you come in this room... You pussing sore?"

Alistair nearly grinned when he answered: "Name-calling. That hurt my feelings... You sanctimonious, fanatical prick." Sam could not hold it against Alistair that he seemed to enjoy provoking the sturdy Angel.

But Castiel tried to intervene before the demon could burn Uriel up. "Turn around and walk away now." Although Castiel did not raise his voice even Sam felt the need to obey that order.

But Alistair just riposted: "Sure. Just give us the girl. We'll make sure she gets punished good and proper."

Castiel appeared unimpressed but Sam could see something dangerous glistering in the Angel's eyes when he replied: "You know who we are and what we will do." Slowly but determined Castiel walked up to where Uriel was still standing. Joining him. Despite his voice was quiet and calm. "I won't say it again. Leave. Now. Or we lay you to waste."

The demons did not move. Alistair answered self-opinionatedly, presumptuously, mockingly, sneering: "Think I'll take my chances.

.

Calm before the storm. Sam had the feeling this situation was what the creator of that idiom had in mind. Both Angels and demons eyed each other guardedly, estimatingly and disdainfully. They all waited for the other side to make the first move. Like in the old westerns. When the good and the bad guy met each other at high noon for a duel. On tv such showdowns always looked great and thrilling but right now, smack in the middle of a trial of strength between heaven and hell Sam just wanted to be somewhere else. No matter where. Just not _here_.

.

Of course it was Uriel who started the fight. He jumped one of the demons, crushed him hard against a pillar with brute force so the old wood splintered immediately and send another demon flying with a quick motion. Somehow Sam had figured Uriel would fight with his hands not with his Angel-mojo, but Castiel too was dealing blows that would have broken a mere human's neck. However the target of his efforts, Alistair, was hardly affected.

.

Castiel put his left hand on the demon's forehead and concentrated, but Alistair simply said: "Sorry, kiddo. Why don't you go run to daddy?" Then he send the Angel flying. Castiel connected hard with the floor and the impact seemed to dazzle him. Only a second later Alistair was nearly sitting on his torso and grabbed the Angel's throat with his left hand. While somewhere in the back of the cabin light flashed and Uriel undoubtedly had exorcised another demon, Alistair stared to chant in latin: "Potestas inferna, me confirma."

Sam was puzzled. Latin? What was the demon doing?

"Potestas inferna, me confirma."

He was evoking the might of hell to strengthen him... He was trying to exorcise - or kill Castiel! Sam met Dean's gaze.

"Potestas inferma, me confirma!"

.

Suddenly there was a crowbar in Deans hands and he smacked Alistair right in the face interrupting whatever the demon was trying here. Castiel fell back the few centimeters he had been lifted and was gasping for breath while Alistair swayed just a bit and then addressed the older Winchester: "Dean, Dean, Dean... I am so disappointed. You had such promise." He shook his head in disgust and chagrin before extending his right hand and sending both Sam and Dean down on their knees struggling for breath. An invisible force held Sam on the spot and was rapidly draining all his energy and strength. He fought with all he had but the demon was way too strong. He could not do a damn thing.

.

Only moments before Sam was sure he would lose consciousness he heard Anna's voice. She was shouting but she sounded distant and thin. It took Sam a few moments before he understood her words.

"Shut your eyes!"

Sam watched in astonishment as light was coming from Anna. It was growing stronger and stronger and suddenly Sam knew what had happened. Someway Anna had managed to get the vial with her grace Uriel had kept away and somehow freed its contents. Now she was getting back her grace. And if this process involved showing her real form... He accomplished shielding his eyes at the last second, bright flares of light blinding him nevertheless. In the blink of an eye a heave gale got up and vanished in the same manner only seconds later. Then there was silence.

.

Long after the blinding white light was gone again Sam dared to open his eyes and take a glimpse at his surroundings. Anna had vanished. So had Uriel, Alistair and his fellow demons. The cabin was quiet again. A few meters to his left Dean came to his feet with a guttural grunt and swayed a bit. _A Jack-breakfast without anything more substantial usually does that, Dean._ Sam thought and walked to Ruby to help her up. Who knew how they had tortured her and the demon's stomach was still a bloody mess. He had just put an arm around Ruby to steady her as Sam heard Dean's sharp intake of breath. Great. Had his idiotic drunken brother managed to insure himself while raising?

"Dean?"

"Cas 'still here, Sam."

_What?_

_._

The younger Winchester hurried to get a stumbling Ruby to the barrels Dean was standing behind. The Angel was still here? Why? If he'd wanted to kill one of them he would have already done it. So perhaps he just wanted to talk to them? Alone? After all that had happened in the last two days Sam rather not wanted to chat with an Angel. Not without any one holding him back and preventing him from beating a fucking Angel of the Lord to a bloody pulp.

When Sam and Ruby rounded the barrels and got a glimpse of what lay behind for the first time, both tensed and exchanged puzzled looks. Dean was kneeing on the floor next to an unconscious Castiel. The younger Winchester was still wondering what had happened as Dean raised his head and asked in a forlorn and clueless voice: "What the fuck 're we s'posed to do now, Sammy?"

And Sam _really_ had no answer to that one.


	2. Chapter 2

They were sitting in the impala, driving down some nameless highway as suddenly Sam noticed movement on the backseat. Dean was still not sober and therefore riding shotgun so Sam motioned him to take a closer look at Castiel.

"Cas, are you ok?", he heard his brother ask with honest worry - when exactly had Dean started to _care_ about the Angels?

A foreign but also familiar voice answered totally frightened: "I'm not Cas. Not anymore."

They had just entered a small town so Sam had to concentrate a bit more on the traffic and let Dean do the talking: "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Jimmy. Jimmy Novak And I swear you, if you don't stop at that diner over there I'm gonna die of starvation. And your precious Angel won't have a vessel anymore."

Sam decided to stop the car as requested. There were a hell of a lot questions on his mind that needed immediate attention so he thought it safer to take a break from driving. But before he could do much more, Jimmy had left the car and hurried towards the diner leaving Sam alone with thousands of questions and a still drunken Dean.

~*~

Being not quite on the sober side did not stop the elder Winchester from pulling two beers out of the trunk and offering one to his brother after taking a healthy gulp from his own. They had decided to stay outside the diner as they had witnessed how Jimmy started to wolf down everything the waitress was towering up on his table. Both brothers really didn't feel like eating or even just watching.

"Can't believe we made it out of there...", Dean stated.

Sam saw his chance. He really needed to talk to his brother but therefore the older Winchester had to be more than just tipsy. He needed Dean drunk, really drunk. "Yeah, me too. You know, I don't think this is not anywhere near what I need right now."

His brother just grinned and took Sam's bottle to the trunk again only to return with a slightly bigger one. Whiskey. The younger Winchester nodded in approval and both sat on the impala's hood. Sam made sure it was only Dean drinking from the bottle while he frantically was searching for a way to bring the conversation around to the right topic. Before he could come up with a plan - and when the bottle was already half empty - miraculously Dean began talking on his own accord. Sam sent a quick glance to Jimmy who was still eating like he was participating some kind of contest. They obviously had time for talking. Than Dean had his unshared attention.

"I know you heard him." He didn't look at Sam, pretended to watch the neraly empty parking lot of the diner.

Although the younger Winchester had a pretty good idea whom his brother was talking about, he asked: "Who?"

"Alastair. What he said... About how I had promise."

"I heard him." Was Dean really going to spill his guts?

"You're not curious?"

"Dean, I'm damn curious. But you're not talking about hell, and I'm not pushing." That was the truth. Sam nearly burst with curiosity but he would rather die than force Dean to talk about. Getting his brother drunk did not count.

Dean nodded and took another huge gulp of whiskey before talking again. His voice was steady, strong and so Sam was so much more taken aback by his brother's words: "It wasn't four months, you know."

"What?"

"It was four months up here, but down there..." Dean again shook his head, searching for words before he continued: "I don't know. Time's different." Sam knew now that Dean had started he would hear at least a bit of what was up inside of Dean. "It was more like 40 years."

Sam really did not know what to say at that one. So he went with "Oh, my God." _How lame..._

"They, uh... They sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you..." Dean's voice was heavy with emotion.

Sam knew how hard it was for his brother to talk about such grave things.

"...until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... Like magic..." Although there was lots of sarcasm it was clear that Dean was still fighting deep down inside of him. He had build massive and strong walls over the years and now he had to let them down. At least a bit, enough for him to be able to talk to Sam but not so much that they let _everything _out. It was like walking a tight rope. " Just so they could start in all over. And Alastair... At the end of every day... every one... He would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack... If I put souls on...if I started the torturing." Sam held his breath he had not even guessed... Unshed tears glistered in Dean's eyes and the elder Winchester's struggle with his own emotions was clear to see. "And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines." Sam knew his brother would never have accepted Alistair's offer. "For 30 years, I told him. But then I couldn't do it anymore, Sammy. I couldn't."

The younger Winchester was shocked. Not only by the tears now flowing unhindered from his brother's eyes but by his words. Dean had tortured others? Then again it was hell. Sam had no idea if he had even lasted 10 years of torture.

"And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls."

Sam really did not know what to say. He would have hugged his brother, but...

"The -- the things that I did to them."

He _had _to say something. His brother needed him now... "Dean..." Oh god... what should he say? "Dean, look, you held out for 30 years. That's longer than anyone would have." Although that was the truth, Sam knew it was not enough for Dean.

The older Winchester was fighting hard to regain his composure. And it took him a full minute before he was able to say something again. "How I feel... This... inside me..." This was exactly what Sam needed to know and really did not want to know at the same time. "I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing."

Ok, the hell with Dean's no-chick-flick-moments-rule. This already was a _heavy _chick flick moment so the hell with the no-hugging-rule either. He stood, made two quick steps to his brother and was just about to extend his arms, as he heard it. The unmistakable sound of someone going to the ground. He turned to see Jimmy slumped down on his knees half way between the diner and their car.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam felt like the rabbit of the fairy tale 'The Hare and the Hedgehog' when suddenly Dean was next to Jimmy having apparently outrun him despite being wasted. The younger Winchester too knelt next to the shorter man and asked: "Jimmy, what's wrong?" Because there obviously _was _something not quite right. Jimmy looked troubled, paler and somehow in pain.

"I'm..." he mumbled in a hoarse voice before turning a slightly green shade.

"Not Jimmy, it's Cas again." Dean corrected.

Only a few moments later Sam knew exactly what the Angel or man or whatever had had for dinner and felt a bit nauseous too. To distract himself he wondered how his brother knew the Angel was back in his vessel while trying to tune out the retching noises Castiel still made.

"He's sick." Dean stated and Sam was tempted to respond with his brother's favourite reply whenever he pointed something obvious out. But this situation somehow was too weird.

So instead of "No shit, Sherlock" he went with. "I can see that, Dean."

"Yes... No." The older Winchester shook his head and struggled to get the Angel back to his feet without falling head first into the vomit on the concrete. Not exactly easy because he was swaying slightly himself. "He's hot."

Of course. Sam had noticed _that _the first time he had met the angel. Wondered whether he had picked that particular vessel because he knew other humans would be attracted. Was hoping for it to benefit Heaven's plans? But Sam really was not planning on screwing an Angel - a demon was more than enough! And Dean... he knew his brother was not very picky when he was really horny but until now he had never had anything with a man. If anything he'd been always quick to rectify whenever some motel clerk thought them gay lovers.

But as the older Winchester continued: "Cas's runnin' a fever... Ugh... Dammit Sam, now gimme a hand!", Sam snapped out of his musings embarrassed and hurried to assist Dean. Oh god, he must have had more of the whiskey himself than he'd thought...

~*~

Together the brothers finally succeeded. Dean wrapped one of Castiel's limp arms around his shoulders and staggered slowly towards the impala followed by the younger Winchester, Cas' head dangling between his slumped shoulders. "I think.. we should head to... Bobby's, Sammy..." the older Winchester panted heavily wheezing as they struggled to get the saggy angel on the backseat.

"You're sure you want him in there, Dean? Perhaps he's gonna be sick again, barfing all over the upholstery."

Strangely the older Winchester was not concerned about his car. "Nah, I'll stay with him in the back. Got a plastic bag somewhere..." He vanished half under one of the seats and came back up not only with a grunt but with said baggie.

"You're sure?" Sam's eyebrows were wandering higher by the minute. This was so weird. So not Dean.

"Yeah. By the way, I know I've had a bit too much booze to drive safely so I can make myself useful otherwise." He burped with a sly grin and climbed inside the car onto the backseat.

Sam stood there a few seconds more wondering for the umpteenth time what he had done to deserve his live being turned upside town again and again and how he ended up with a sick angel and his brother playing nurse on the backseat before eventually joining the others in the impala.

~*~

After about five minutes of driving and having Castiel heaving up nearly as often, Sam decided traveling now was no good idea. "Perhaps we should check into a motel?" They had just passed one that looked cheap enough for them to afford.

"You're right. He could use a break. The fever's gone up. Hope we don't havta go to the hospital. As soon as we tell 'em our Angel's sick they'll throw us into the nut house." Dean was nearly giggling at the thought while the man next to him started retching again.

"And you need to sober up, Dean." Sam decided to call Bobby as soon as they were settled. And before he was totally freaking out. Because this... this was weird even for Winchester standards.

~*~

Sam needed Dean to really sober up. This situation needed them both to be of sound mind. So after they had brought their stuff and the unconscious Angel to their room, Sam addressed Dean: "Please take a shower or go for a walk or whatever you want to do to burn the booze up. I'm gonna call Bobby and need you compos mentis when I'm finished. Ok?"

The older Winchester glanced at Castiel lying on one of the two queens. The Angel was still pale, his breathing shallow and quick. Sweat glistering on his forehead and upper lip. He knew his brother was more than capable of taking care of an injured or sick person. Heck, he'd done it with Dean countless times before. But why did it feel like betraying Castiel, like letting him down, letting him alone? Dean shook his head to clear his thoughts.

"Dean, please..."

The older Winchester turned to his brother again. "Yeah... I'm gonna... take a walk... I could... I could go to the drug store. Fetch some tylenol. Or stuff..." He shrugged. Damn. He owed the Angel. But this feeling deep down inside of him? So not good. Dean was determined to bottle it up and never let it out again. He took his jacket and left the room rapidly.

~*~

Dean was just two blocks from the motel feeling a bit more... not exactly in control of the things happening but clearer. Yeah, definitely clearer. When he suddenly heard it: the rustle of wings. He stopped weary and turned around. Only a few feet behind him Uriel was standing. Great. Dean had already opened to greet the angel with a snarky insult when he noticed the fine lines of worry etched into the angels face.

"Have you seen Castiel?"

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Cas? He was with you when I last saw him. Then suddenly you two were off chasing Anna." He was not sure why he didn't tell Uriel the truth. Something inside, call it his hunter's instinct, told him not to.

"No. He never joined the hunt. I have been searching for him since we left. I do believe Alistair managed to injure him." 

_Injure?_ "What? How can one injure an Angel?" As Uriel did not respond immediately the older Winchester continued: "The latin stuff? Wasn't that just some kind of angel-exorcism?"

Uriel snorted disdainfully. "Exorcism? He was trying to _kill _Castiel! And he would have succeeded if..." He glared at Dean who raised the other eyebrow.

"So I saved his live? Shouldn't you be more grateful?"

But Uriel still stared angrily at the hunter.

Dean tried again. He needed to learn everything the angel knew about what had happened. "He didn't look injured..."

"You are a mere human. You can not judge an Angel's health. It was not the vessel who got injured. It was Castiel. His Grace. And he is dying. So I need to find him. Now." Uriel took a step towards Dean, seriously crowding his personal space, looking even more intimidating than ever. "Are you sure you have no knowledge of his whereabouts?"

The older Winchester pressed his lips together and just nodded, holding Uriel's gaze.

"If you happen to learn anything I expect you to call me."

Then he was gone again and Dean sighed with relieve. Now he better hurried to Sam and Cas. They surely could use the stuff he had bought.


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as Dean had left the room Sam sat down on the second bed and put his head in his arms. He was so tired... And tipsy. He too hadn't eaten anything since yesterday and he knew he always had problems with alcohol on an empty stomach. Why had he taken those two swigs of whiskey? _"Because otherwise I'd have noticed you just wanna get me drunk to spill my guts!"_ he heard his brother's voice in his mind. With a groan he lifted his head again and studied Castiel. The Angel was still lying on the other bed as they had dropped him earlyer, one foot on the ground the rest of the body draped breadth-wise across the mattress.

First of all he had to call Bobby. Then he should check the Angel. Afterwards there would be time to cope with his blood alcohol value and inappropriate thoughts. He pulled the phone out of one of his pockets and eyed it wearily. What was he going to tell Bobby. What _did_ they actually know? Sam sighed and rubbed his temples. Damn, now he was getting a headache, too.

~*~

After a mutually unsatisfying call, Sam got a wet washcloth and wiped the sweat off Castiel's face. The Angel _was_ burning up. His clothes were soaked, even the coat had gotten wet. He had to strip him down - that was wrong on so many levels... It proved much more difficult than Sam had thought. Especially Castiel trademark trench coat was a nasty bit of work and after the Angel was down to his boxers, Sam too was sweating. He decided to take off his flannel and stay in just a t-shirt when all of a sudden Castiel opened his eyes and looked at him distraught before asking in an accusing voice: "Care to tell me why I am naked and you are just getting undressed?"

"I can explain... First of all: you are _not_ naked. And second: you've got a high fever that we really need to get down..."

The other man interrupted the younger Winchester rudely: "I don't have no fever. Thank god I know you are banging that demon chick otherwise I would be worried."

Sam was shocked. Castiel knew...?

"Hey, don't act like this comes as a surprise. The Angel might be a teeny-tiny bit naive but I surely ain't."

"You are not Cas?" The other man sighed heavily. "Look. I know you guys can be slow at times. I already told you, I am Jimmy. And dammit, but I'm already starving again."

~*~

"Apparently having an Angel inside of oneself burns a lot of calories..." Jimmy mumbeled while checking the empty kitchen shelves for food.

Very unappropriate pictures poppt into Sam's head and the younger Winchester groaned in frustration. _"Get your mind out of the gutter!"_, he heard Dean's voice inside his head, _"And make sure he doesn't stuff his face again." _Yeah, right... "Jimmy, look, I don't think it would be such a great idea to eat something right now...", Sam said and closed the fridge the other man was currently inspecting.

"But I'm _starving_!" Jimmy tried his luck under the sink but found only a disgusting pair of huge bugs. Quickly he closed the cupboard again and turned to Sam.

"I know you are hungry. I can even hear your stomach rumble."

"So what's the matter? The Angel afraid I'm getting fat?"

"No, but right now Castiel... can't hold his food."

Jimmy looked at him in utter astonishment. "You mean, he was sick?"

Sam nodded. "In the parking lot and quite a few times in the car. Puking his guts out... That truly was no pretty sight... or smell. And I really want to avoid a second round."

The other man nodded still shocked and sat down on the nearest bed. "That explains why I don't feel so well myself..."

Sam raised his head in alarm. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not going to be sick, relax. I'm just really beat. Much more than I should. And kind of weak in the knees."

~*~

Dean chose that moment to return to the motel room and Sam was grateful because as odd as talking to an Angel felt he somehow had become accustomed to it. But talking to the vessel while the Angel was... unconscious felt even weirder. It took the younger Winchester a few moments to understand why his brother was shooting them irritated looks.

"He was soaked... and after getting rid of his clothes I was..."

Dean shaking his head interrupted Sam's rambling. "Dude, too much information. Just... give Jimmy one of my tees, 'kay?"

Although the younger Winchester chose one of Deans shorter T-shirts Jimmy was of much slimmer build and ended up looking like being in his pyjamas. In the meantime Dean had started unpacking the bag filled with his purchases. Both Sam and Jimmy joined him to take a look at what the other man had bought.

"Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Antibiotics... Dean, do you know anything about Castiel I don't know?" the younger hunter asked while eying the various drugs unbelieving. "And what's that? You bought whey and porridge?! What the fuck?" He saw a tinge of red creeping up his brother's cheeks.

"It's easy to digest and... I thought Jimmy's hungry and Cas's sick so... I really don't wanna clean puke from the carpet all night."

While Sam was still dumbstruck Jimmy just grabbed the food and gave Dean a grateful nod. "Thanks. I'm so hungry I'll even try this stuff although I'd prefer burger and fries..."

"Sorry dude, I still have the baggie with your last meal in it somewhere in the car. Care to take a look?" As Jimmy quickly shook his head in disgust Dean noticed what he had just said. "Oh, fuck! I think I'll gonna buy a bunch of Febreeze..."


	5. Chapter 5

AN: In the SPNNewsletter Edition 1231 this story was listed as slash - who am I to disagree with the SPNNewsletter? So the story might get into this direction.

* * *

When Dean returned Jimmy had finished eating and Sam was at his laptop busily typing. They needed to talk. Alone. Although Dean really thought the other man likable and nice he neither knew his alignment nor how much of Castiel's knowledge was accessible by Jimmy or the other way round. So he rather not had him around while coming clear with his brother.

Fortunately soon after the other man had finished eating he pointed at the bathroom and asked: "Mind if I..." and as both brothers nodded he rambled on: "Haven't had a decent shower in months... By the way, you don't happen to do laundry today? Because Cas never bothered to change those clothes and they surely must be reeking by now. And I don't have anything to change into."

Sam took a glance at Dean who shook his head mutely. They were both tired and surely not in the mood to wrestle with laundromats today. "I'll give you some of my clothes." Somehow the thought of Castiel - Jimmy! No, actually really the thought of _Cas_ - wearing his underwear made Dean not only blush but also summoned butterflies into his stomach.

~*~

As soon as the Winchesters were alone, Dean started: "I've run into Junkless. He wanted to know where Cas is. Told me Alistair injured his Grace and he might be dyin'."

"Did you...?"

Dean simply shook his head and Sam raised his eyebrows.

"Are you telling me you lied to an Angel?"

"What else should I have done, Sam? Let Uriel take Cas away from us?"

Sam deliberately ignored the whiny tone of Dean's last remark "What if he was right and Castiel _is_ dying? What if he could help him? Save his life?"

Dean slowly shook his head. He had been thinking about the strange feeling Uriel gave him every since the Angel had disappeared again. "Please Sammy, you have to trust me on this one. The guy is giving me the creeps. I don't know what he's up to but it is no good."

Sam noticed Dean's genuine struggle to come up with an rational explanation and something inside told him to go with Dean on this one. "Ok, so we won't tell Uriel. I talked to Bobby and he actually said the same."

Dean eyed his brother suspiciously. "To not trust Uriel?"

"No, about Cas. That his grace might be injured."

"How can we heal him? What do we do now? "

"Same as you do with every injury. Spare that part of the body and let it heal."

"Yeah, geekboy, but how is Cas supposed to spare his Grace?"

Sam had no idea so he simply shrugged. "Don't use his angel-mojo, be human, I suppose."

"You suppose."

"There isn't exactly a WikiHowto entry on mending ones Grace!"

"Look Sam, I'm sorry. We both are tired and drunk. How about we grab somethin' to eat and hit the hay as soon as Jimmy's finished?"

~*~

Neither did it take Jimmy long to finish his shower nor all three men to fall asleep. Actually Sam had wanted to literally paint the walls first with all kinds of universal safety-symbols warding not only demons off but angels likewise. But Dean had pointed out that if one of the two fractions were able to sense or otherwise locate Castiel/Jimmy they'd already done so and kidnapped him. So apparently they were save for at least a few hours. It was not even midnight when Dean stirred in his sleep and cracked his eyes open, trying not only to blink the heavy sleep away but also to figure out why he'd woken up in the first place. He was lying next to Sam because this room had only two beds and as uncomfortably it was sharing a bed with his brother sleeping next to the man he lo... the Angel he li... _the Angel_. Period. Well, it would have been awkward so both Winchesters were sharing a mattress again for the first time in a long period. Dean was not sure if one of his brother's cuddle fit was the reason for him waking up but Dean indeed had to entangle himself first from Sam's long limps and deliberately ignored the wet spot on his chest where his cuddlesome brother had drooled on him.

"Dean"

It was more a sensing than an actual hearing so soft was the voice the older hunter's name was whispered in. One long stride and he was next to the other bed trying to figure out if it was Castiel or Jimmy needing him.

Dean turned on the small light on the nightstand next to the second bed and crouched down so he was on eye level with the other man. Eye... Bright blue, the intense color of the sky itself. Fitting for an Angel. Angel... somehow Dean knew Castiel was the one staring at him through glassy eyes. The Angel cracked his dry lips open again and partly moaned partly whispered "Dean" a second time.

"You're thirsty? Wait a sec, I'll fetch you some water."

It didn't take Dean long to return with a glass. He helped Castiel sit up and take a few hesitant sips thinking that this was the first time he'd seen the Angel drink something.

"What...?" Castiel asked. It was no actual speech, more of a breath carrying the idea than a word. Nevertheless Dean understood. It would have been one of his first questions, too.

"We are not sure. Alistair kinda hurt you. Sam thinks it's your Grace. We're in a motel right now because you kept puking, travel sick maybe. You're really scaring me, Cas. Is Sam right? Is your Grace hurt and you are... dying?" He nearly choked on the last word. The concept of Angels dying was not really new to him. He could recall quite vividly their encounter in Bobby's kitchen after the encounter with the victims. Where Cas had told him about his fallen brothers. About Lillith. And the Apocalypse. But until this very moment dying Angels where nothing more than a concept. Two words put together. Things had changed in the last few hours. Now there was emotion linked to those words - and quite a lot of emotion. Emotions that now made his voice raw and his eyes burn.

Castiel closed his eyes again obviously exhausted, still being held up by Dean. After long moments the Angel opened his mouth again to whisper: "I am afraid, your brother's assumption is correct." His head lolled forward, more and more of Castiel's strength consumed with every word.

Dean pulled the Angel closer, let him lean on the hunter's shoulder. "What? The grace thing? Or the... dying?"

"Both..."


	6. Chapter 6

Morning came and as Sam slowly woke up again he found his brother sitting next to Jimmy or Castiel - probably Castiel, because he was holding the unconscious Angel's hand. The younger Winchester knew Dean would never want anyone to witness such a private moment so he yawned loudly, took his time stretching his long limbs and put his feet down facing the window instead of the other bed. But as Sam was finished with his display Dean had not moved.

Slowly he walked to his brother, crouched down next to him and asked softly: "How is he?"

Without so much as taking his eyes off the limp body the older Winchester answered: "Not so good. He's getting weaker by the hour." Dean's voice was indifferent but Sam knew better. And the way the older Winchester was clutching Castiel's hand, so tightly his knuckles were the color of the thin blanket, it spoke more than words could.

"Did you..." Sam flourished his hands hazily, "... tell him? About our hunch? About his Grace?"

Dean just nodded, obviously not trusting his voice.

But Sam had to knew, could not spare his brother the emotions. "And? What did he say?"

The older Winchester raised his head and looked at Sam, fright and sympathy for Castiel in his eyes. "He's afraid. Terrified, Sam. A freaking Angel of the Lord wept in my arms out of pure horror... Sammy... I..." He shook his head, tried to get rid of the memory of this intense display of emotions. "You know, I've never seen him smile. Or being angry. Not a tiny bit of anything other than mild confusion or irritation. I think we can't really understand what that means for him, what he has to do to heal again. I think... perhaps I should have told Uriel..." He tiredly wiped with a hand across his face before he shook his head.

But Sam disagreed: "No, Dean. I think we should trust your feeling. If you think Uriel is bad news, we will avoid him to our best." He needed his brother to get his head off of it. "Why don't you take a shower? I'll stay here with Cas."

Dean just nodded tiredly and left without any fight. Sam watched his brother enter the bathroom and close the door while thinking about their next moves. He understood why his brother was so shaken by the Angel's sudden display of emotions. He could not even imagine stoic Castiel crying his eyes out. How desperate and terrified the Angel must be...

~*~

Sam took a closer look at Castiel. Dean was right. He looked even worse than yesterday. Pale as a sheet of paper. The only color coming from fever reddened cheeks and dark rings under his eyes. They needed to get more drugs into the Angel's system.

"Hey, Cas. You have to take a swig of water. Castiel. Come on, open your eyes. Just a sip and two pills. You'll feel better, I promise..."

The Angel did not even stir as Sam laid his hand on Castiel's forehead. Still way too hot.

"Come on, buddy! Do it for Dean."

The younger Winchester pulled the limp body into a sitting position, stabilizing the unconscious Angel with his arm. Castiel's head lolled to the side and came to rest in the crook of Sam's neck, warm breath ghosting over the young hunter's fine hair, Cas's hot cheek pressed to his skin. A light smell touched the younger Winchester's nose and he inhaled deeply, sucking in the air and the scent of honey and herbs, shampoo and a tinge of sweat. There was something about that Angel, something that tried to mess with his senses. It was the promise of something save, lasting, protecting. He wanted to dwell inside this feeling. But Sam just shook his head. Of course an Angel of the Lord would cause trust and radiate love and the promise of shelter. Until now he had seen Castiel primary as a warrior, a soldier. And you normally don't associate world peace and love with such a person. He simply shook the strange sensation off. The younger Winchester was just about to pull himself from Castiel, as the other man suddenly straightened and asked: "Why are we making out?"

Sam was at a loss of words, but Jimmy - obviously Jimmy because he lacked the deep and sensual (no he had not just thought that) voice - didn't want him to answer.

"All right, I really don't wanna know what you and the Angel are doing when I'm off. I just always thought Cas had a crush on De..." Jimmy's eyes went wide as he noticed his mistake and he quickly closed his mouth but the damage had already be done.

"Dean? You mean Castiel is in lo..."

"No!" the older man interrupted the hunter. "Forget that I told you and for fuck's sake don't tell Dean. Cas would rip me a new one."

Sam raised both eyebrows and let out a surprised laugh. "You mean, he really...? Not just like in 'I am an Angel Of The Lord and I love all His creations'?"

Jimmy simply nodded and tried to get a few more centimeters between the bigger man and himself. "Have you never noticed the eye fucking?" the older man whispered obviously afraid Dean would enter the room any second.

"You mean the way they both look at each other? Well... I always thought Cas's gaze was just really intense..." But thinking of it Jimmy was right. How they always bandied looks, how they just _not _touched. "Yeah... you might have a point... Uh..." Sam blinked in disbelieve. A lovestruck Angel. And his brother was the object of desire. "I think that's weird. Even for us."

"Yeah... but... can we just _not _talk about it? Please?" Jimmy was right. There were more urgent matters at hand.

"I'd like to take your temperature, Jimmy. And I'm afraid I need you to take those pills."

Jimmy ogled Sam warily as the younger man opened the first aid kit and searched for the thermometer. "What about a deal. I'll take care of my temperature and swallow the meds and you get me breakfast? I'm starving. I'd even eat this cruel gruel again..."

~*~

When Dean finally stepped out of the bathroom again there were donuts waiting at the small kitchen table and Jimmy was munching his way through a bowl full of muesli. He took one of the sugar coated donuts and motioned Sam to follow him. Both brothers went to the opposite corner of the room, the farthest away from the other man they could get without actually leaving the motel.

"You're cleaning the puke, dude!", Dean hissed but Sam gave a curt shake of his head.

"It's only dry muesli. I think he'll be able to hold it down. Dean, Castiel's fever was pretty high. I thought it best to use Jimmy to nurture the body, Cas was too out of it to even take the drugs. And by the way, I think it would be best if you'd continue to play nurse. Jimmy thinks I'm trying to molest him..."

Dean furrowed his brow and blinked in confusion. "He what?"

"Well... the last time he woke up I was holding Cas upright and he was kinda slumped over me. And the one before... he was soaked and I undressed him... I just think he would be more at ease if I stick to the research and you..." The younger Winchester pointed with his head at the still eating man. "You know... look after him."

Dean nodded slowly, frowning and still processing what his brother had told him. So far so good.

Sam nearly grinned as a challenging thought occurred. Perhaps he could hook the two up with each other? But first of all they had to get Castiel better. Sooner rather than later.


	7. Chapter 7

When Sam returned with the groceries Dean and Jimmy were sitting next to each other on the porch. The smaller man had a blanket covering most parts of his body and was wearing one of Sam's hoodies. He looked tired and sick but not as ill as Castiel had the last time he was 'at home'. It was warm outside, the already strong sun promise of a hot summer soon to come. Sam handed Dean one of the beers he had just bought and produced a bottle of apple juice out of the brown grocery bag for Jimmy.

"I think we need to talk." Sam knew they had to hit the road again way too soon and there were a few things that had to be settled in advance. "Jimmy, you don't look so good, how 'ya feelin'?"

The older man took a cautious and small swig of his juice before he shrugged. "Queasy. Exhausted. Dizzy. Like I didn't really sleep in a few days. But I'm good compared to Cas."

Sam nodded. Obviously the angel's damaged Grace had started to affect his vessel directly.

"How's he doin'? We able to talk to him?" Dean asked, his voice gruff. Nevertheless Sam could see right through it. His brother was no longer worried, he was_ afraid_.

"I'm sorry." Jimmy shook his head. "I don't know. I can feel he's still here but... That's it." He shrugged apologetically and Sam sat down next to the smaller man, only half of his butt on the bench. He did not care if Jimmy felt uncomfortable because of his closeness. What he was going to say would make him feel much more uneasy.

"You know, I've read about... possession and sebastomania. And I know it might not be 100 percent applicable on your case but I think you should - theoretically - be able to retreat and hand over the reins to Castiel deliberately. I'm sorry, but we _really_ have to talk to Cas."

Jimmy looked as if he had not swallowed one lemon but a whole bucket. Nevertheless he nodded. "Yeah. But I think we should at least get inside again."

~*~

While Sam prepared everything, Dean made the older man take a couple of ibuprofen and paracetamol before they started. The Angel was surely going to need the drugs. Jimmy was lying on Dean's bed who sat down next to him while Sam kept his distance manning the laptop.

"Ya ready?" the older Winchester asked and after a short nod Jimmy closed his eyes and followed Sam's instructions. As there was no manual, not even on the internet, the younger Winchester used what he knew of autogenic training, hypnosis and psychology while making the rest up. Strangely it worked. After just a few minutes Jimmy was no longer responsive and the fever was rising rapidly. Castiel was back.

"Ok, let's go." Sam said and took Castiel's feet while Dean grabbed the unconscious man's arms. Together they lifted the slack body from the bed and carefully carried him into the bathroom where a full tub was waiting. Slowly Sam lowered the Angel's feet into the luke warm water and not long after he was fully laying inside the bathtub. The thin t-shirt and boxers did not prevent the water from cooling the hot body down and the reaction to the Winchester's drastic solution was not long in coming. Castiel started to shiver and weakly tried to get away from the cold, his hands flailing around without aim full of panic.

"Cas! Cas, it's ok! Calm down. Castiel. Please calm down. Shhhh, relax." Although Dean was still holding Castiel's arms slowly the shorter man ceased fighting and slackened off his efforts to get out of the water. "Easy, Cas. We just want to talk. You with me?" There was worry etched into Dean's face. Worry and anxiety. The Angel's panic fit had affected Dean, too.

Sam noticed Castiel's eyes were more focused, less glazed over perhaps they really could be successful with this drastic treatment. At least for as long as they were going to talk. The younger Winchester did not hear the Angel's response but there must have been some kind of answer because Dean continued: "Good... Good... Well, Cas, we need you to... you know... your Grace thing... you have to turn it off for a while. Bobby thinks otherwise you'll die and Sam agrees so... I think you really should do it. Jimmy's here to help. And me too. And Sam. You won't have to cope alone. I promise. You know, being human can be really fun. We could eat pizza, try the magic fingers..." He shot a pleading glance at his brother who grimaced in cluelessness.

How do you talk a frightened angel into discarding his Grace - even temporally? "You could catch your breath. Take a look at the world from a more human point of view. I think that would really be helpful in your battle against the demons. Because they know how to manipulate us mortals, how to play us. But you and your Host are just plain alien. You are not good with humans..." He darted a look at his younger brother before watching Castiel again not sure if his rambling had done anything good.

The Angel was lying very still, breath coming laboured spurts. But suddenly he started to talk. Not really talk, more of a whispering interrupted by gasps for air. "My Grace... it is burning the vessel up... When I leave... I will not be sent back... There are... I am not sure... I have doubts, Dean. I will..."

"Stop jabbering, Cas. You 're doing the right thing. Just do it _now_. Please." Dean was no longer holding the Angel's arms down. He was _just _holding them, holding on to him and at the same time giving Castiel support.

Support the angel apparently needed. He exhaled deeply and abruptly went totally slack. Although Dean still had his hands around the other man's arms even parts of Castiel's head submerged.

"Come on, Sam, help me."

Rapidly the Winchesters yanked the unconscious Angel out of the cool water and while Dean helt the limp body up as good as he could Sam tried to towel Castiel own. By the time they were done Dean had noisily amended his opinion about Castiel being of lithe build. The guy was _heavy_!

When the Angel was lying in Dean's bed again, clad in fresh cloth, the older Winchester joined his brother at his laptop. "What now?" he asked, a hint of uneasiness in his voice.

"Now we wait. What about pizza?"

~*~

Two pizzas, five donuts, one package of chips and 8 flasks of beer later the brothers were ready to hit the hay. The Angel was still unconscious but the fever had decreased to an only sightly increased body temperature. And there were no signs Castiel would wake up any time soon. Neither Bobby nor Sam had found anything about injured Angels and damaged Graces so they could only guess how the situation would develop from this point on. Whereas Bobby thought the Angel would swiftly recover because an Angel - even an injured one - still was a mighty and powerful being, Sam's opinion differed clearly. Because not being in Heaven and with the connection to upstairs - the Grace - out of order Castiel had to rely on his vessel's energy. So he concluded healing would take place in a more human like time frame.


	8. Chapter 8

It was still dark outside, the only light coming from the lamp trying to illuminate the parking lot when Sam woke up. His brother was gone. The spot next to him still warm but the youngest Winchester couldn't take chances. He was about to turn around to check if there was light in the bathroom and his brother taking a leak when he heard the groan. Castiel. Sam was wide awake in the blink of an eye.

Dean was sitting on the other bed next to the angel having put a steadying arm on his shoulders while Castiel was hunched over, elbow on his knees, face resting in his hands - a picture of pure misery.

"You goin' to be sick?" Dean asked in a low and sympathetic tone.

Sam sat down on the Angel's other side and shot is brother a questioning glance that was answered by a mute shrug.

"I... " Castiel moaned again and then continued to answer the older Winchester's question. "I don't know, Dean. It... it _hurts_. It's gnawing and hot... like my inner organs are... fighting each other."

Sam had just opened his mouth and was about to ask his brother whether Castiel or Jimmy had eaten anything he believed capable of causing this kind of distress as Castiel suddenly froze for a few heartbeats. Then the Angel straightened his figure and said in a very confused voice: "Jimmy said I should stop acting like a pussy and eat something. I fail to see how consuming food could help ease the pain. And why is he comparing myself to a cat?"

~*~

A few minutes later Sam watched Dean preparing a small bowl of muesli for the Angel - although the youngest Winchester had preferred some kind of soup they had nothing else they dared to give him. While Castiel was coherent again he still was very weak. Actually eating prove to be nearly too much. The muesli was not even half eaten as the Angel's eyes began to drop and after another two spoons it was only Dean's alertness preventing Castiel from falling head first into his unfinished meal.

"Out like a candle." the older Winchester stated. "Help me carry him to the bed again? And tomorrow we'll show the poor guy how _real_ food tastes!"

~*~

Morning came without any other incidents and Sam was the first one to wake up. The spot next to him was empty again, Dean had slept on the floor next to the injured Angel. Sam could not blame him. Jess had complained enough of him taking up all the space and cuddling her out of their shared king-size bed. And Jess had been smaller than Dean. And this bed was only a queen. What did startle Sam nevertheless was how Castiel's arm was hanging out of the bed down to Dean ending in their hands entwined.

"Rise and shine, you two lovebirds! Unfortunately this isn't the honeymoon suite and we have to get our breakfast ourselves!" Sam hollered with a huge grin on his face.

It was not easy to decide who turned the redder shade.

~*~

Castiel had no clue what he'd like for breakfast so Dean ordered half the items available. Although it was clear the older Winchester was hoping a lot of the stuff would land on his own plate in the end Sam didn't like the idea of Castiel trying too many of the heavy things his brother had ordered. After all Jimmy - or Castiel, Sam was not sure yet - seemed to have an easy to upset stomach.

Coffee was something the Angel really didn't like. Even after pouring such an amount of cream and sugar in it that Sam himself had to frown in disgust Castiel still could not enjoy the taste.

"Perhaps you are more a tea drinking type?" the younger Winchester asked hoping for the Angel to like something a bit more easy to digest but Dean had other plans. He gestured for the waitress to come to their table again and ordered hot chocolate with cream for the Angel - which Castiel loved.

He really had a sweet tooth. Pie, pancakes with syrup, donuts, the Angel didn't leave anything for Dean. But the older Winchester simply smiled while watching Castiel enjoy the food with an ecstatic - bordering on obscene - expression on his face. "Does Jimmy like the sweet stuff, too?" Sam asked while the last bit of donut disappeared in Castiel's mouth. The Angel shook his head and gestured in Dean's direction. The oldest Winchester hadn't quite finished his bacon, sausage and eggs he had ordered. "Jimmy would appreciate this kind of food. He seems to like a lot of Dean's choices..." the Angel contemplated softly and Sam was not sure if he was talking about the food any longer.

~*~

When they returned to their motel room it was clear they would not leave for Bobby's before noon. On their way back Castiel had gotten even quieter than normally, obviously feeling queasy. No wonder he couldn't stomach all that sweet crap he'd wolfed down. Sam would have gotten sick too if he had tried. The Angel went straight back to bed probably hoping sleep would get rid of that problem and both Winchesters sat on the porch in the morning sun to not wake their sleeping companion with their discussion of what to do next.

"We should really head to Bobby's as soon as Cas feels better again." Sam stated matter-of-factly.

Dean agreed nodding.

"And speaking of him feeling queasy all the time: Just don't encourage him to stuff his face like you do. He has no idea how much of which crap he can stomach. He needs help and by not delivering him to Uriel this became _our _responsibility _we _have to face. I don't know how much Jimmy is aware of. And I don't know if Cas is really listening to whatever the guy tells him. So we should not rely on him telling your Angel to stop."

"Wait! _My_ Angel? Why is he suddenly my angel?"

Of course Sam could not simply tell Dean the truth. "Because I happen to notice the ways you two linger in each others personal spaces and how you exchange longing looks even when others are around. Because I know you long enough to tell you are head over heels for the guy." Yeah, that would go _so_ well. Sam had to take a different approach. Backhandedly. The indirect way. So instead he just shrugged: "He pulled you out of the pit. Sorry, if it bothers you I can refer to him as 'our' Angel instead."

A quick glance told the younger Winchester his brother had taken the bait even before he answered with a cocky grin: "Nah, I think it's pretty cool having my own Angel..."

~*~

It was nearly noon when Sam could no longer pretend to not hear his brother's stomach growling. He sighed deeply and clicked the laptop shut.

"Lunch?"

Normally this word would have been enough for Dean to grab the keys and hurry to the next diner but right now the oldest Winchester clearly lacked any kind of enthusiasm. He just shrugged.

"Dude, I can hear your stomach rumbling. Either you get something to eat or I'll have to turn on the music."

And boy Dean hated the laptops speakers even more than Sam's taste of music. Still it proved to be not enough encouragement for his brother to even stand up. Dean was still sitting on the second bed, discarded newspaper to his left, remote for the muted tv on his right, and his eyes ever so often resting on the slack figure of the Angel.

Sam had to haul out the big guns. "Oh, I see! You want to stay and watch over Castiel sleeping? I could get something to eat while you two..."

Dean interrupted him nearly instantly: "Nah! I'll... I'll get us dinner. Hey, Cas!" The Angel did not even stir and Dean had to stand up walk to the other bed and poke him two times before there was any kind of reaction. Castiel turned the other side. Sam tried to bite back a chuckle. He knew how hard it could be to wake Dean and obviously the Angel was as deep as a sleeper as his brother was. The older Winchester gripped the thin duvet covering the still sleeping form and pulled it off in a brisk motion.

"Homullus ex..." Castiel mumbled in a raw and sleepy voice but was interrupted by Dean's cheerful "Rise and shine, Cas!" Drowsily - and very reluctantly - the Angel sat up and rubbed his eyes in the attempt to wake up completely. Parts of his hair were standing up in different directions, parts were pressed down. The old t-shirt he had borrowed from Dean was rumpled and there still was the imprint of the cushion's crinkles on the right side of Castiel's face. Even Sam had to admit he looked very cute.

"I'm going to get lunch. Try to wake up 'till I'm back." Dean said with a forced grin, took is jacket and the car keys and actually fled, leaving Sam to a still very sleepy Angel.

~*~

"Perhaps you should take a shower..." Sam suggested as Castiel's eyes dropped at half mast again. "Dean always seems wide awake after. And... no offence - but you really could use a shower without your angelic cleaning magic."

Slowly the other man rose and stumbled into the bathroom to return again after two minutes of silence. In a confused voice he stated: "I need... a towel. And clothes?"

With a slight grin Sam handed the Angel the requested items. "And Cas, if you have any questions regarding... washing and stuff ask Jimmy." The younger Winchester returned to his laptop and continued reading hoping Castiel would not need his help under the shower. Perhaps it would have been better if Dean had stayed here coping with the Angel's very human problems? However it was too late now for that so he went back to research. There were a few links that could lead to useful information regarding fallen angels but Sam had only finished looking through the first two pages when he heard the familiar rumble of the impala outside. He shot a quick glance to the bathroom but the door was still closed. One paragraph later Dean was back carrying two bags of food. The scent of italian and chinese take-away filled the room and made Sam realize he too was starving.

"Where's Cas?" his brother asked after dumping the bags on one of the beds.

"In the bathroom. I sent him to take a shower a few minutes after you left. He was starting to smell..."

Dean stopped dead in his tracks and turned slowly to Sam. He had a somehow dumbfounded expression on his face Sam could not explain. "He was in the bathroom the whole time I was gone?"

The younger Winchester just shrugged: "Yeah...?"

"You tell me he's been in the bathroom for nearly an hour?"

Sam shot a glance at his watch. An hour? Really... it had been the better part of an hour now. "I just..." Damn, he somehow had forgotten the time over his research - not for the first time.

While Dean went directly to the bathroom Sam tried to apologize: "Sorry... But what can possibly happen in the bathroom? The shower wasn't even..."

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" the older Winchester interrupted his brother, followed by a panicked: "He's gone. Sammy, he's gone!"


	9. Chapter 9

"Ok, we're going to Bobby's." Dean threw the cell at his bed where it bounced two times before coming to a stop. "He said we'd try the summoning we used in September."

"He's sure this will work?" Sam closed his laptop and started packing.

"No. But what else should we do? He could be anywhere on the damn planet or... elsewhere. Damn, Cas really needs a cell."

"You think there's a signal in Heaven?" Sam asked with a small grin his brother luckily didn't spot.

"Haven't been there, yet. Remember, it was Hell, not Heaven..." Dean sounded irritated and stuffed his things in his duffel bag. "I hope at least they are healing him upstairs."

There was a flutter of wings and the next moment an unknown man was standing in their room next to Jimmy and a heartbeat later two unlocked guns were pointing on the stranger's head. The man ignored the thread and asked Jimmy: "Are you sure this is where you want to be?" Jimmy simply nodded and the Angel disappeared again.

"Jimmy! What happened? Where were you? Is Cas all right?" Dean was at the other man's side with a few quick steps clearly worried.

Sam too wanted to know what had happened but decided to just wait for Jimmy to answer his brother's flood of questions.

"I'm fine, Cas is fine. He's just... resting. I don't know what exactly happened after you guys talked me into letting the Angel take over." Jimmy frowned tiredly and sat down on one of the chairs before telling slowly: "We were... in Heaven, I think. There was a guy... an Angel... Castiel's and Uriel's superior?" He shrugged before continuing hesitantly: "I don't exactly know what happened next. Castiel somehow asked me to keep secret that he still was there and then he someway concealed himself... went to sleep. I have no idea... This guy... he questioned me, like an interrogation... about a fallen Angel Castiel and Uriel were hunting down."

Sam glanced at Dean who was still staring at the smaller man. They had assumed Jimmy knew how and why Castiel had been injured and therefore never told him. But his brother's eyes were glued to Jimmy and didn't meet his own.

"I told him I don't know about an Anna Milton, I don't know about a renegade, I don't know about what had happened. And I happened to lie to him about the whereabouts of a certain Angel." Jimmy smirked - and he looked very unlike Castiel doing so.

"And?" Sam asked curiously.

"Somehow he didn't sense Cas. Nor did the others. They brought me back."

"They just brought you back?!" the younger Winchester was astonished.

"Looks like." Jimmy shrugged. "You don't happen to have a beer for me, do you? Or something stronger... "

~*~

Of course Sam had noticed how his brother's eyes stuck to Jimmy. He was not quite sure if it was because the smaller man was only clad in boxers that were slightly too big and therefore resting low on his slim hips or... Screw the or. Dean was studying how Jimmy's throat worked while emptying the bottle and a faint blush was creeping over the older Winchester's cheeks. Suddenly Dean grabbed his jacket and fled the room while mumbling something about fetching dinner although it was still early afternoon. Sam turned to Jimmy again and noticed the broad grin spreading over the smaller man's face. Obviously he too hadn't missed how Dean had kept his jacket in front of his body, covering his groin.

"I think", Jimmy said with a smirk, "Your brother and the Angel will stop dancing around each other pretty soon."

"Why do you think so?" Sam sat down on the chair next to the smaller man.

"Because I won't watch it any longer."

"The last time I tried to talk to you about this subject you weren't really keen on discussing it. How come you changed your mind?"

Jimmy shrugged, still grinning. "Castiel isn't listening. He is still hiding, waiting for me to tell him it's save again. And I think I will enjoy having the control over my own body again a bit longer than he might deem it necessary..."

Sam scooted nearer, putting his ellbows on the table. "You've got a plan?"

The smaller man nodded while his eyes sparkled with mischief.

~*~

Strangely Sam felt comfortable with the thought of Dean and Castiel together. Perhaps after screwing a demon himself the thought of his brother and an Angel wasn't so weird anymore. But then again Sam never wanted to know anything about his brother's woman. And now a man... Angel... whatever was getting involved with Dean. A real Angel Of The Lord. At least that should freak Sam out. But it didn't. Cas was... He looked at Jimmy who was rummaging through Dean's duffel in search of some trousers. Jimmy was a nice guy. He could picture them being real friends. Getting drunk together. Somehow the thought of Jimmy poaching his brother was... acceptable. No... it was more, it was... whatever, Sam was cool with it. He had no idea if it could last. But they would never know if they didn't try. Jimmy had found the pair of jeans that Dean still kept as a back-up although they were too short and too tight since before Sam had left for Stanford. "Hey, pick the gray shirt with the small buttons. It should fit" _...tight_, Sam added in his thoughts.

Jimmy looked really good. Sam had never noticed that the guy was handsome. But surely being possessed by a starchy Angel wasn't helping ones attraction. The smaller man sat down at the table again and winked at Sam. "I'm Castiel. I'm back. And I think I will be outside. Marvelling the sight of the blue sky... or whatever Angels do when they are spoony and lovestruck. Just send my crush outside if he asks where I am - or would Cas rather say heart throb?" Jimmy shrugged with a impish expression and in the next moment his face went slack.

"Jimmy? That still you inside?"

The smaller man nodded and answered in the low voice Castiel was normally speaking in: "I have to stay in-character for my plan to work. Dean will instantly know I'm not Cas if I don't act like him. So yeah, I'm still Jimmy but I will be outside channeling Cas."

Sam shook his head. The other man really was serious about hooking them up. "Hey, Jimmy. One last question: Why are you doing this?"

"Because I'm sick of Castiel staring a Dean like a lovestruck puppy and not _doing _anything. I haven't been awake a lot but most of the time I was I was busy shouting at Cas to act as his heart tells him. You know, being possessed by an Angel isn't fun. It's like being chained to a comet. But a lovesick and horny Angel is..."

"Too much information." Sam interrupted the other man with a grin.

~*~

About an hour later Dean returned - without food. Except you count a six pack and chips as food. So ok, for Dean it maybe _was _food. Sam was sitting in front of his laptop and tried hard to remain calm and not act curious or even excited. Dean dumped his groceries on the table and glanced around. After a few seconds he went to the bathroom, opened the door and peeked inside. Then he turned to Sam, face pale and alarmed: "Please, Sam, don't tell me you don't know where Cas is. If he got kidnapped again, I swear..."

"He's outside." The younger Winchester interrupted his brother. "Behind the motel, I think."

Relieved Dean left the room and Sam sneaked to the window facing the backyard. It didn't take Dean long to walk around the building. Unfortunately the younger Winchester wasn't able to hear what they said. He could only watch and guess.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN:** This chapter is for downfall35 who wanted a bit Dean/Cas without any Sam in it.

It is the last chapter but there will be an epilogue, so stay tuned :)

* * *

Jimmy was lying in the mellow grass looking at the sky watching countless clouds wander by, dissolve and morph into new forms. It was nice, the sun not directly shining at him but still warming everything. Although technically still spring today already felt like early summer. Watching the fluffy clouds actually helped more with getting into the Angel's head-space than he had thought. And it was relaxing. Very relaxing. And Jimmy was tired. Very tired. He did not notice how his eyes dropped until a soft touch on his shoulder made him wake up again. Jimmy blinked wearily wanting to fall asleep again. But there was Dean next to him watching him with a frown. Right. Dean... And he was not _Jimmy _but _Castiel_.

"Dean." Jimmy tried to use Castiel's low tone but his voice sounded scratchy from sleep. Then again Dean surely had never heard how the Angel sounded directly after waking up because Castiel once had told him Angels did not sleep.

"How are you?" There was genuine worry in the hunter's voice.

Jimmy stifled a yawn and slowly sat up again. " I am... I think I am tired." He looked into Dean's eyes and tried his best confused-puppy-dog-look. "I fell asleep. Angels do not sleep."

"You sure look tired, Cas. Did you dream anything?"

Dream... the smaller man had an idea. "Yes, I did..." How do you blush on command? He was no actor, he was a salesman. But perhaps Angels did not blush either? So he just tried to look embarrassed and uncomfortable, not meeting the hunter's eye but studying his washed out jeans instead.

Obviously he was successful and Dean got it because after a few seconds of silence Jimmy could hear him sharply breath in and say: "Oh... ok... I won't ask about it. By the way, what were you doing outside in the first place? Not afraid of your pals showing up again?"

"No. They won't search here again. They already did. I am save in your company, Dean. I _feel _save in your company." Jimmy raised his eyes again. Dean was not looking at him. The older Winchester studied the motel's back wall. The smaller man was not sure whether he had noticed what exactly _Castiel _had said.

Jimmy's stomach rumbled and the next moment Dean's eyes were back on him. "You're hungry, Cas? We could grab some..."

"Please." The smaller man put one hand on the hunter's shoulder preventing him from standing up. "I do not want to eat now. I am enjoying us sitting here and having a conversation." _And I am not ready to leave before you and Angel-boy here have at least shared one kiss_, he added in his mind. Jimmy's hand stayed on Dean's shoulder even after it became obvious the hunter would not try to leave again.

After what felt like a minute of silence and Jimmy frantically thinking of something Castiel would say, Dean nervously licked his lips and did not only ask a question but gave the smaller man a new idea of what to try. "So... Cas... You know... Anna said you Angels don't feel anything. Has that changed now with you not using your Grace-thing? Or are you still one Holy Ice Cube from Heaven?"

Now it was Jimmy's turn to slowly lick his lips and he did not fail to notice how Dean's eyes were caught in that display of tongue. "Anna was not telling the truth. We do have emotions. But we do not feel like you feel. It is different. Normally we suppress it to a certain level so the emotions would not interfere with our orders. Be we are able to enjoy all of our Father's creations. I do feel how soft the grass is. I do smell..." He draw a deep breath through his nose, closing his eyes partly and trying his best to cast a real display of bliss on his face before looking at Dean again. Who swallowed hard. Two times. Jimmy's mouth twitched and it was not easy to fight the triumphant smirk threatening to spread across his face. He quickly withdrew his hand and lowered his head pretending to study his trousers again.

"So you are capable of real emotions."

"I am." Jimmy mumbled - would Castiel mumble? He raised his head again, looking for one moment at Dean before adding: "But it is very confusing." He let his shoulders sink, tried his best to look helpless and adorable at the same moment. He felt something move inside of him. Castiel? They had not much time left. Dammit, Jimmy was not sure if he could speed things up enough.

"Perhaps..." Dean interrupted the other man's musings and stopped himself for continuing for a few seconds. "Perhaps I could... help you? I am not really good with this emotion-crap but I'm a human and we are used to strong emotions all the time. Or perhaps Sam could..."

"I would prefer you helping me, Dean." That worked way better than expected. Jimmy rose to his knees and fully turned to face Dean seriously invading his personal space. But the hunter was sitting and could not easily retreat. "There are emotions I have never experienced before. Emotions that make me do things... Like helping you... and your brother."

"It's called... friendship." Dean stated and Jimmy's hopes dissolved with this one word. Was the hunter really that blind or naive?

"No. No, I know friendship. Uriel is my friend." Castiel did not know about other Angels but he was rather sure Uriel and Castiel were friends. Hopefully Dean would not know otherwise. "This is... more. More intense. I..." He looked at the hunter uncertain if he should haul out the big guns. There was a frown on Dean's face. Jimmy remembered the lip-thing and again let his tongue slowly glide over his lips before continuing. "I want to make sure you are save. I want to be near you. I think it is more important you are... content than..."Jimmy paused for a second, deep blue eyes piercing into green ones, before he continued: "... my orders. I am willing to take great risks for you, Dean. And apparently you are willing to take some risks for me to. Why didn't you tell Uriel my whereabouts when he visited you? I am sure you know he will be _very _angry if he ever learns you have lied to him."

A faint blush crept across the older Winchester's face. Jimmy had played his cards right. There really was more behind Dean not telling Uriel about the Angel lying in their motel room.

"Because you wanted me near yourself, Dean." Jimmy slowly approached Dean even more. "Because you wanted to watch me at my weakest." There were one or two centimeters between his knees and the Hunter's feet. "Because you wanted for once to be able to be there for me." Again he could feel Castiel stir inside of him. There were only seconds left before the Angel would surface enough to notice what was going on. "I know you care for me. More than you've ever cared for someone outside your family. And I care for you too." He carefully leaned forward. Millimeter for millimeter. "Every time you are near my heart starts to beat faster. And I can feel how yours is doing the same." He knew by now his breath must be ghosting over Dean's face and they were nearly as close as he needed them for their first kiss. It was only a matter of timing. Jimmy liked Dean, but he _really _did not want to french him. He needed Castiel to take over in the right moment.

"Cas..." Dean whispered.

"I need you, Dean. And you need me." Jimmy was still staring at Dean, trying to hold eye contact while frantically thinking of what to say. Seducing his wife had been so much easier because she was a woman and he had been able to say all those cheesy things that would send Dean running.

Dean closed his eyes, his breath hitching. Again there was a whispered "Cas..."

"I... I yearn for you, Dean. I have never felt like this before." Jimmy moved a bit to the side his mouth nearly touching the hunter's right ear. "I want to... feel. Let me... touch..." The smaller man made sure his breath was ghosting over Dean's neck and saw goosebumps rising all the way down under the collar of his shirt. "I want you to show me how to..."

_Jimmy? What are you doing?_ Castiel's voice echoed through Jimmy's head.

_Come on, Cas, I have to show something to you._ Jimmy thought and in the next moment his lips were touching Deans, one of his hands cupping the hunter's cheek the other resting on his shoulder.

~*~

When Castiel stretched his awareness again he was not sure what to await. Perhaps he was still somewhere near hís brothers and he really did not want to return right now. The worst being over now he just could spent a few days with the Winchesters while recuperating. Dean always near, always caring. Curiously he followed Jimmy's lead, resumed control over his vessel - and noticed a foreign tongue in his mouth.

Dean.

Although he never had tasted the hunter he knew his taste, would never forget it like he would never forget his own name.

Dean.

His lips were pressed on the hunters, his hand caressed the stubbled chin and his breath was ragged as if this was some kind of physical afford. He opened his eyes and saw the older Winchester's flushed face.

Castiel wanted to retreat, flee, blink out of existence because of all those new feelings trying to overwhelm him at the same time but then he heard a low moan coming from either Dean or himself and his resolve was gone in the blink of an eye. He was going to stay exactly where he was until... Then his brain simply stopped. There were more _pressing _matters at... hand...


	11. Epilog

Dean returned with a bag full of breakfast. He had payed the local McDonald's a visit and gotten everything they needed for a decent meal because he was starving - and very likely Sam and Castiel too.

"Where's Cas?" Dean asked his brother who was still sitting at the desk researching something the older hunter actually didn't want to know about.

"In the bathroom." Sam answered without looking up.

Dean had a strong deja-vu and suddenly his heart was in his mouth. "You're telling me, he's been in there all of the 30 minutes I was gone?"

Sam looked at his brother in shock and mumbled: "Oh crap..."

Dean's hand was already on the handle as they noticed the sound of violent retching coming through the still closed door.

"Uh, Dean... I think you should go in and... hold his hair back or something while I stay here and... tend for the food..."

The older Winchester simply rolled his eyes before entering. The small bathroom was not big enough for three adults to be inside at the same time and Dean didn't think he would have lots of appetite left when Cas would have finished. No need for Sam to kill his mood too.

The Angel was slumped over the toilet, both hands clutching at the porcelain with white knuckles. A slight shiver ran through his cramped shoulders and he looked pitifully miserable. Dean crouched down next to him as Castiel groaned and puked more vomit with small splashing noised into the toilet.

"Hey, Cas... you're sick?" Dean felt like a total idiot as soon as the words had left his mouth.

The Angel raised his head a bit and glanced at Dean. His eyeballs were sunken with dark rings underneath. Glassy eyes met hazel ones and Castiel answered with a simpled nod.

"You look peaky..." The hunter put a comforting hand on Castiel's shoulder not quite sure what to do.

"Jimmy said I have a stomach flu."

"So... you talked to Jimmy?"

"And he said to not wake him until I am well again."

Dean just nodded. If he was in Jimmys shoes he too had asked for Cas not to bother him with this sickness.

Castiel groaned and closed his eyes for a few seconds, a small droplet of sweat running down the side of his face before he asked in an ailing voice: "How long will this flue last?"

"Not long I think... a few days. Perhaps a week. Then you're back to your old frisky self." The hunter grinned encouragingly but Castiel's face fell.

"A week?!"

When the next wave of nausea hit and the Angel was anew able to study how semi-digested donuts and apple looked, he silently vowed to never ever eat or drink anything again.


End file.
